The day before yesterday, I posted this as my Facebook status:
Sally Araujo Costa: Went out for Italian food. Didn't know it was kid's night at the restaurant. Took a picture with Elmo and whispered, "Elmo? I don't know if you're a chick or a dude, but if you cop a feel, I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU in front of all of these kids."
I ACTUALLY THREATENED to beat furry little Elmo (Actually, he was like 6 feet tall!) in a room FULL of screaming preschoolers who were just as excited to see him as I would be to see George Clooney.
Can you imagine?
PICTURE IT: Elmo's got his hand around my waist and he's squeezing me a "little harder" than I think is appropriate. I can hear his heavy breathing through his furry red suit. Suddenly, his hand slips from my waist and rubs across my ass. And I? GO BALLISTIC! I put him in a headlock and punch him repeatedly in the face and the nads! And all of the preschoolers in the room start crying and whipping their chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese at my head in an effort to save that furry red perv! And their parents collectively call the cops from their iPhones to report the sick b*tch who's beating Elmo's ass and who will be the cause of their children's recurrent nightmares!
It could have been a disaster!
But thankfully, that's not how it played.
Elmo was cool...a complete gentleman, really.
Lucky for him, Muthafugga.