Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ass Shrinkage 101

In an attempt to revamp my weight loss efforts, I've made a few changes recently. Because this bullcrap of losing an average of .2 pounds a week? Yeah, it clearly proves that I've been a slacker. Seriously.

***The first change that I made was I quit going to my Tuesday morning Weight Watchers meetings.

Don't panic. I didn't quit the program.

I just decided that Tuesday mornings are not convenient ENOUGH for me. When I first signed up for WW, I assumed that because I am self employed, I could easily skip out on Tuesday mornings and enjoy my meetings.

Turns out, that was a load of crap because something ALWAYS happens at work---an unexpected meeting or deadline---that keeps me from attending my weekly meeting. And when I get my motivation sporadically, like that? I suck at following the plan. Period. So, now I've switched my meeting time to Saturday mornings, when I can focus more on ME without any distractions.

***Another change that I made was I stopped paying for my Weight Watchers membership weekly and started paying for it monthly.

This change not only saves me money---weekly weigh-ins cost $13.00 AND the monthly pass costs $9.22 per week---But, it also gives me full access to Weight Watchers eTools.

This is such a BIG DEAL for me because I am a tracker slacker. I know that I am supposed to write down/keep track of what I eat. Yet, I don't because it's a pain in the ass for me to carry my WW points tracker/companion books/paraphernalia around with me everywhere I go (and I'm rarely home).

With WW eTools, I can track my eating and exercise on any computer that has Internet access. And since I sit at a computer for a HUGE part of my day, keeping myself on track and accountable is easy peasy. Seriously, folks. I LOVE IT.

***The third change that I made pertains to my exercise pattern.

It's been said that the best time of the day to exercise is in the morning. Pish posh. Not for me. I am not a morning person. If you even look at me in what I perceive to be the wrong way before 8:00AM, I will contemplate stabbing you in the neck.

For this reason, I've decided to fit my exercise in right after work. Sometimes this means that I'm working out at 6:00PM, 7:00PM, or even 8:00PM.

And even though I FRIGGIN HATE TO EXERCISE (FYI--If lying on the couch with a warm blankie and a good book WAS exercise, I'd be the skinniest b*tch in town), I know that--like brushing my teeth and bathing, it's just something that I HAVE to do. No ifs ands or big butts about it.

***Finally, I've been trying to change my attitude about eating. Because, here's the deal. I CAN EAT. No, really. I CAN EAT like a 500LB truck driver.

But I don't really understand why I feel like I have to? So, what I've been asking myself when I feel like this is AM I REALLY HUNGRY? Or am I just eating because I'm stressed, bored, or tired?

I also try to curb my eating--when I'm at the point of feeling fairly satisfied with what I've consumed--by reminding myself that I DON'T HAVE TO stuff myself SILLY because there will be another meal in my future. As in...Even though I've eaten three meals and several snacks today, I WILL get to eat AGAIN tomorrow! WOW! What a freakin revelation!

So that's where I am in my pursuit of a smaller ass, my friends.

Oh, wait. Speaking of ass...

This week? I've been bicycling like a mad dog after work...and I think I might have sprained mine.

Crazy, right?

I know!

I expected bicycling to give me sore legs! But, my butt cheeks? Holy crap! Do they hurt like H-E-L-L?!

The old me would use this sh*t as an excuse.

She'd be all, "I can't exercise today. My ass is broken."

But the new me?

She's my Mother's daughter. And she ain't buying it.


Debby said...


That was a lot of life changing stuff you just did.

I love etools.

Allan said...

Don't forget the sweat eyelashes..

Amanda said...

Re: the exercise and eating patterns, are you sure you're not my long lost twin?

And yeah, tracking electronically freaking rocks.

Kim Scales said...

Right on, Sally! I, too, thought, because I homeschool my kids, that I set my own schedule and a random weekday meeting would work. Wrong. And working out at night occupies my binging hours. I go after dinner. By the time I drive home from the gym and clean up, it's time to hit the pillow.
Not to mention a little you time makes an afternoon with Sophia Petrillo more manageable.
Go get'em!