Ahhhh...Home Sweet Home.
Just returned from a four day trip to the Big Apple where I attended BlogHer. And man, am I friggin exhausted.
You'll be THRILLED to know that I have a sh*tload of stories for you because I am so obviously a LOON magnet....and where better for me to be BOMBARDED by BATSH*TCRAZY people than good ole' NYC?
Since I did a whole lot of stuff and met a bazillion people while I was there, I hereby proclaim this: NY Week.
Pull up a chair and here we go...
So last Thursday, Hubby and I (Yeah. He went, too..) commenced our trip by taking a train to NY, hailing a cab to our hotel, whipping all of our sh*t into our room, and heading to Chinatown and Little Italy.
Hubby had never been to either neighborhood, so I coaxed him into exploring these areas with me by promising him great food/wine/cannoli/gelato.
What I didn't tell him?
His food fest wouldn't begin until I went shopping ALL OVER CANAL STREET and its side roads.
People? Do you know how many little shops there are in Chinatown? Seriously?
Well, I don't either. But, if you ask my husband, he'll say TOO EFFIN MANY, as I dragged his sweaty ass into almost every one of them on what was possibly the HOTTEST day of the summer.
After like FOUR hours, he finally said, "AWW! C'mon! They ALL sell the same things! I can't take it anymore!"
"Fine," I said. "We'll just go into ONE more store so I can buy some Chinese tea. Then, I PROMISE, we'll go over to Little Italy where you can eat like a beast."
He resigned to the fact and followed me into the store.
As I was looking around at all of the lovely oriental dishes and knickknacks, Hubby---who was now in a better mood because he was having visions of mozzarella covered chicken dancing in his head, suddenly appeared before me with a huge grin on his face. He said...
Hubby: Is it too early to start Christmas shopping?
Me: Um. No, I guess not. Why?
Hubby: Remember how I said that ALL of these stores carry the same crap?
Hubby: Well, I found something in the next aisle that we haven't seen ANYWHERE else.
Me: And you want to give it to somebody for Christmas?
Hubby: Hmmm...I'm not really sure.
Me: Dude! What the hell?! Quit bothering me!
Hubby: I'm serious! Come and look at it!
So, I rounded the end cap of the aisle, peered around the corner, and saw a shelf full of...um...hmmm...
How can I put this DELICATELY?
OH HELL. It was a shelf full of alabaster penis bookends. I am not even kidding you, people.
And upon viewing them, I immediately turned to Hubs and said, "You're right! You should DEFINITELY buy it...FOR YOUR MOTHER! Because NOTHING says 'MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAMA!' like a ginormous marble weiner."
"ICCCKKKK," he responded. "That's so freakin nasty."
You started it, Dude.