Monday, August 23, 2010

The "LOU" Diet

Last week, I told y'all about some changes that I made that I know will revamp my weight loss efforts.

HOWEVER, if YOU---my dearest readers---want to lose weight with lightening speed, I've got an even better idea. Trust me. IT WILL WORK.

The first step is, I will personally introduce you to my pal, Lou (Click here for the heads up on Lou). Lou loves everybody. So, he'll love you, too. This probably means that he will invite you to his house for dinner.

Once you're at his house, he'll kill you with kindness. He'll ply you with wonderful wines. He'll entice you with yummy appetizers.

Then?

He'll make you some delicious beef wellington...from scratch!

He'll roll out the dough...


He'll make his very own "mushroom & fresh herb" spread...


He'll position the "roasted to perfection" fillet of beef on the dough...



And just as he gets ready to bake the fillet...




He'll put his initials on it (FYI...I have no friggin idea what this is all about. I think it's sort of like when a cat "marks his territory" by pissing on a carpet. Weirdo.)...


And before you can shake a stick? VOILA! Lou will present you with this lovely, succulent dinner that is fit for royalty!


Right about now, you're probably wondering how hanging out with Lou could possibly cause you to lose weight. Right? Hold on. It's coming...

Okay, so picture it. You're at Lou's house and he's made this wonderful meal. AND the house smells YUMMY. AND you're drinking wine. AND you're having some nice conversation with friends. AND you are READY TO EAT YOUR FRIGGIN ARM OFF because you are soooo hungry! Right?! Right?!

And then you sit down at the dinner table!

And your eyes bug out of your head because you see all kinds of yummy things that are set before you and you're not sure what you should sample first!

There's a beautiful strawberry and poppy seed salad! There's some warm, fresh bread! There's some perfectly grilled baked potatoes and garlic seasoned asparagus! AND there's some fresh, native, OH.SO.SWEET corn-on-the-cob that makes your mouth water just by smelling it!

By this point, you are starvin like freakin Marvin (Who the eff is Marvin, anyway?) and you are getting ready to dig in! Right?!

Suddenly, you look over at Lou. And he's heading straight for that sweet corn-on-the-cob. And he starts devouring it (DUDE! You're supposed to get it IN YOUR MOUTH!)!


AND THAT'S WHEN....


Even though you were FAMISHED???

You suddenly lose your friggin appetite. BLECH...

Loss of appetite = Loss of weight.

It's not rocket science, people.

5 comments:

Allan said...

But still, beef tenderloin, wrapped in pastry, OMG, who cares what he looks like...

Rob Dyess said...

Yeah... I have no problem with his looks.... the food looked GREAT!

WeighDownSouth.com

cmoursler said...

This is why you carry a sack. you stick it on his head and eat your dinner.

Fragrant Liar said...

Just take your overloaded plate into another room for a better view. And think, think, think yourself thin!

No?

Kyle Gershman said...

So...any good places to park my travel trailer nearby for a visit? Just askin...