I am so ungracious, y'all.
And to prove it, I'm shamelessly going to share with you two of my Facebook posts/comments from this week.
This first one stems from a comment that my friend Judi made regarding her becoming a Notary Public. In response to her announcement, all of her OTHER Facebook friends were all, "Whoo hoo! Way to go! Congratulations! Good for you!"
And I? Well, I was all like, "Okay. How can I use Judi's status to my advantage? What's in this for me?"
And this was our Facebook exchange:
Judi H. M.: Is officially a Notary Public. Let the witnessing of signatures begin!
Sally Araujo Costa: Okay. Let's just say that AFTER he consumes several alcoholic beverages, I get PAUL COSTA to write on a cocktail napkin that he PROMISES to buy me a brand new Mercedes Benz for Christmas. If YOU notarize it, will it be submissible in court as a VIABLE CONTRACT?
Judi H. M.: No, Bips (what Judi and I call each other). I am afraid not. A notary only witnesses the signature, saying that Paul Costa was the person who signed the cocktail napkin. My notarizing it does not attest to the legality of the document. Nice try, though. Don't worry, once I get contract law under my belt in paralegal school, we'll get cracking on the Benz... ;-)
Sally Araujo Costa: Cool. We will address this matter in the future over scorpion bowls. Bring your stamp.
Example #2 of my TOTAL ungraciousness came on Monday afternoon AFTER this telephone conversation with my niece:
Niece: Sal? Are you at work?
Niece: Did you tape the premier of the Oprah Show today?
Me: Yeah, why?
Niece: Are you going to watch it tonight?
Me: YEAH, WHY? WHAT? TELL ME!! TELL ME!!
Niece: You are NOT going to believe the give-a-way that OPRAH did today!
Me: WHAT? TELL ME! WHAT?
Niece: SHE'S TAKING EVERYONE IN HER AUDIENCE ON AN EIGHT DAY TRIP TO AUSTRALIA!
ME: THOSE LUCKY WHORES!
Niece: I know! Can you even believe it?!
Niece: I know! Those lucky B*TCHES! (We're related. Can you tell?)
And after we commiserated some more about how lucky those audience members were and how we were fighting the feeling of hateration about the whole situation, I went on Facebook and posted this:
Sally Araujo Costa: Dear Oprah ~ I am so jealous right now, I could shit shards of broken glass.
Definitely not one of my strong points, people.