The weather is beautiful here this time of year. It's still warm enough during the day (70's) to make me NOT want to slit my wrists (WINTER BLOWS), but when I wake up in the morning, I can definitely feel an invigorating change in the air. The atmosphere feels crisper, drier, and fresher. The leaves are changing colors. And everywhere I go, I see mounds of pumpkins for sale. I absolutely love it.
On Sunday, Hubs and I decided to take some time off to stop and smell the pumpkins, so to speak. And we went for a ride around the area to marvel at all of the changes that are taking place around us.
We drove by some amazing pumpkin patches:
We saw fields of fresh butternut squash:
And then? We saw a "For Sale" sign at the end of a long PRIVATE driveway that WE KNEW probably led to an amazing ocean side home.
Against my wishes---YOU KNOW...because my fear of being arrested/having a cavity search, is much GREATER than my curiosity (It kills cat's, you know!), MY HUSBAND---who for all intents and purposes, I will herein refer to as Nosey Jones, decided to trespass because he felt like a FOR SALE SIGN on the side of the road gave him Carte Blanche to invade some home seller's property on a SUNDAY---which we all know is classified as the Lord's day and HELLO?! Breaking the law on ANY DAY isn't cool, But if you do it on the Lord's day, you ARE TOTALLY FREAKING SCREWED and...um...WHAT THE FRIG WAS I GETTING AT?
Oh, yeah. So, Nosey Jones was all, "There's a FOR SALE sign on that property for a reason! They WANT YOU to drive down their driveway to look at their home!" And I'm all , "NO WAY, Nosey Jones! They want you to CALL THE FRIGGIN REALTOR that's representing them and MAKE A GAH-DAMN APPOINTMENT to see their property! We are invading their space and WE'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE!"
Just as I was getting ready to pull the steering wheel away from Nosey Jones and drive us into a ditch to avoid a trespassing blemish on my NONEXISTENT criminal record, Nosey Jones hooked the steering wheel to the left---BIG SMILE ON HIS DAMN FACE, LIKE WE WERE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE OR SOME SH*T---and down the long, private driveway we went.
For the record, I love Nosey Jones. But, sometimes? I really want to taser his ass for not listening to me. Doesn't he realize that I am a FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE?! Stop laughing...
Anywho, so there we are---trespassing on this private property---driving down the longest driveway that I have ever seen, and we come upon the most amazing views ever:
Suddenly, Nosey Jones looked at me and said...
Nosey J: Oh my God! This is beautiful! They must be asking MILLIONS for this property! It's amazing!
Me: Yeah, yeah. Amazing. Whatever. Now let's get the HELL out of here before we get busted.
At this point, we turned another corner on the driveway and we saw these bushes:
To me, there was nothing special about them. They were just odd shaped shrubs.
To my husband, they were a status symbol.
And I realized THIS because as he drove past them, he looked at them in amazement (eyes wide, mouth open). Then he looked at me.
Then he looked BACK AT THEM. THEN he looked at me AGAIN. WHAT THE?
Finally, he said, "My GOD, Sal! These people must have A LOT OF MONEY. They must be filthy, stinkin rich!"
I responded, "You mean because they have such a large track of land on the ocean?"
"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "I mean because of the penis trees! I have NEVER in my life seen PENIS TREES! Only people THIS rich would have penis trees!"
Penis trees? Really?!
I'm really starting to question his thinking process, y'all.