This morning's telephone conversation between me and Lou (I called him)...
Lou: Good morning, Honey!
Me: Good morning, Louie.
Lou: How are you today?
Me: I'm fine. Listen! I'm calling to tell you that I keep getting emails from your email address that link to some pharmacy in Canada that sells erectile dysfunction drugs. WTF is up with that?
Lou: You're not the first person to tell me that! I think someone hacked into my email account. My son-in-law told me to change my email password, so I did. Apparently, that didn't help!
Me: Nope. It definitely didn't help. Matter of fact, the last email I got from you posted this morning at 12:50AM! THAT'S WHEN I KNEW it wasn't really you because you were sleeping!
Lou: *PAUSE* Hmmm...How do you know it wasn't really me? I mean...I COULD HAVE been up at that hour...snapping my carrot, thinking of you, and sending you Viagra emails.
Me: If that's the case, then we are OBVIOUSLY spending way too much freakin time together! I'm cutting you loose! Have a nice life, PIG!
Me: I'm hanging up now, you NASTY BASTARD. You AND YOUR CARROT have a nice day.
Good Lord. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.