Last Friday, Hubs and I made plans to meet our friend---Jim---for dinner at a super yummy BYOB Asian restaurant. As we were getting ready to leave work and make our way there, I got a phone call from Lou:
Lou: Hi Honey! What are you guys doing tonight?
Me: We're meeting Jim at Mr's M's for dinner. Why? What are you doing tonight?
Lou: Eh. Nothing much. Just hanging home, I guess. *HINT, HINT*
Me: Do you want to come with us? Jim would love to see you guys!
Lou: Sure! Sounds like a plan. Oh, and if you guys are bringing wine, don't bring any for me. I'm not drinking tonight.
Me: Yeah. Okay. Whatever.
****FAST FORWARD TO THE RESTAURANT****
So, we're at the restaurant and we're all trying to decide what to order, when Mrs. M, the owner of the place, comes over and says, "I just want you to know that TODAY we have a very special addition to the menu! We have a fresh FOUR POUND bass that was caught locally! It is perfect for two people to share! It is very special! And the chef will prepare it for you using wonderful spices! It will be a masterpiece!"
I've been to this restaurant before.
And I absolutely LOVE the food there.
But, once? I saw the whole fresh fish presentation. And let me tell you. IT.WAS.NOT.PRETTY.
So, I said to Lou and Jim, who were the only ones contemplating getting the fish masterpiece..."Dudes! That fish is going to be scary. Don't do it! Its' eyeballs are going to be staring at you the whole time you're eating it. YOU WILL have nightmares."
Lou addressed this situation with Mrs. M.
He said, "Mrs. M? Jim and I WOULD LOVE to try that amazing fish that you speak of! There's only one problem. I can't eat anything that's looking back at me. Can the chef do something about that?"
"Of course he can!" she replied. And she walked away, chuckling eerily.
Now, before I go any further, let me ask you a simple question.
Have you ever imagined what would happen to the fish in the sea if there was a nuclear catastrophe and the oceans filled with radioactive waste?
Yeah. Me neither.
But, if I EVER DID ponder this thought for any length of time, I'm sure I would eventually hypothesize that upon a nuclear catastrophe, all of the fish in the ocean would suddenly look like Lou and Jim's dinner:
(If you REALLY want to scare the crap out of yourself, click on the photos to make them bigger!)
Mrs. M had the chef remove the bass's eyeballs, alright.
AND? He replaced them with maraschino cherries...CUZ THAT makes the whole crazy ass presentation a little less traumatizing, right?
Anywho, Jim and Lou LOVED their "special masterpiece." They said it was the BEST fish they ever had.
I, on the other hand, continue to have nightmares about a demonic porcupine fish that repeatedly swims into my house via my toilet bowl, and bites me in the ass every time I pee.
All in all, Hubs and I had a very fun night with our friends (we always do). Here are some less scary photos from the remainder of our evening.
Our friend, Jim, hacking up the fish from hell...(YIKES! Look at Jim's eyes! Now, he's radioactive, too!)
Lou, eating the fish from hell....
Lou's wife, Linda...traumatized by the fish from hell...
What used to be the fish from hell...
Me and Linda Shminda (I call her that all the time. Not sure if she likes it or not. But, I have some information that I am currently blackmailing her with, so I don't expect any resistance. God! I love power!)
Remember how Lou professed that he would not be indulging in alcohol consumption on this evening?
Yeah, well he was full of crap.
Because three bottles of wine later?
He had a garlic sauce stain on his right nipple, he elected me THE DESIGNATED DRIVER (good thing I only drank diet soda), and he and his BFF'S were feeling the love (That's Hubs on the top of the love pyramid, followed by Jim---on the left, and Lou---on the right)...
And, as if that wasn't enough?
Lou kept pretending to go to the bathroom. And he was taking a really long time. So, on his third trip, I went to look for him. And do you know what he was doing?
NO. Not THAT, you PERVS.
He was schmoozing with a large group of University of Rhode Island students!
AND? They loved him! They even invited him to have a few drinks with them at a local bar!
HEY GUYS?! DIDN'T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS? ESPECIALLY CRAZY ASS ONES WITH STAINS ON THEIR NIPPLES?!
Here he is with them. Note the bald guy, sandwiched between the two girls....waaaayyyy in the back:
I'd like to give a shout out to these URI students! They were great sports and seemed like really nice young adults. One weird thing about them, though? When I asked if I could take their picture and put it on my blog, they said "YES!" THEN? They all posed and yelled, "HUNAN!" while making weird gangsta signs with their hands:
I'm not quite sure what the hell this means.
But, if I find out it's something NASTY? I'm driving to URI and getting my revenge....by leaving this guy on their doorstep:
Fear me, dudes.