Has anyone ever gone on vacation and brought you back one of those stupid t-shirts that read something like, "My Aunt/Friend/Mother went to Aruba and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"
If your answer is YES, consider yourself damn lucky.
You see, my friend---Lou, just got back from his vacation in Palm Springs. And he brought me a souvenir.
Actually, I shouldn't call it a souvenir. It's more like a snack....for crazy ass people who are capable of eating sh*t, if somebody puts it in front of them:
At first glance, I was all like, "Holy sh*t, Lou! I didn't even realize that frogs had such big balls! I might be adventurous, but you couldn't pay me enough to eat some froggy's nuggets, you nasty bastard!"
Turns out, they're not real froggy testicles after all.
They're actually spicy, pickled, brussel sprouts that cost NINE BUCKS a jar!
Upon receiving this gift, I said, "Lou, PUH-LEEZE. Next time you go away, save your money and just sent me a freakin postcard." He responded, "I did that, too! Didn't you get it?"
"Um...Nope. Not yet." I said.
And then I went home....
And found this in my mailbox:
I just have to say...
Growing up? I never expected I'd be friends with Satan, y'all.