Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I Know This Much Is True

***Random Musings***

My nephew's fiance is a nurse. Recently, when we were having lunch together, she told me about a woman---a patient on her floor---who had a mad case of hemorrhoids, which required her to spray medicated foam up her butt. Even though said woman could definitely foam HERSELF up, she always insisted that the nurses do it for her. Then, she would dictate, "Now you have to jiggle my butt cheeks to reeeeeally work it in!"

Nurses don't get paid enough money, y'all. Just sayin...

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I stopped at the local pharmacy to pick up a prescription for the Hubby. Since it wasn't ready when I got there, I decided to meander around and check out the Christmas stuff. While wandering around, I found this:


I pretty much walked around for the rest of the day yelling, "You ARE NOT the father!" to random strangers. I really need to stop watching Maury Povich.

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On the same trip to the pharmacy, I also saw this product in the vitamin aisle:


Immediately I thought, "Hmmm...A dude who has the gumption to pay for this shit in PUBLIC may have a limp willy, but he's ALSO got some majorly big balls."

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I love where I live. But, in order to live where I live, I have to pay an ASSLOAD in property taxes.

Like most towns, the majority of our tax budget is allocated for our schools. And you know what? That's okay. Because I know that children are our future.

All that aside though, last week? Hubby and I stopped at the town dump to drop off some trash. While I waited in the truck, I noticed this sign on the building there:

Dudes! The person who made this sign needs to learn how to spell. AND? If said person is a product on my town's school system? I WANT MY FRIGGIN MONEY BACK.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And I am so thankful for so many things...

I'm thankful that I don't have to blow hemorrhoid foam up random strangers' butts (see above).

I'm thankful that I truly have the best husband that anybody could ever ask for (Christmas is coming. Gotta kiss up).

I'm thankful to have a really great family. Sure, there are days when I would enthusiastically consider trading a few of them in. But ultimately? I would totally give them a kidney if I REALLY HAD TO because then I could walk around FOREVER holding that shit over their heads, saying things like, "You should really bow when I walk into the room. Cuz if it wasn't for me, you'd be dead. Your welcome."

I'm thankful to have wonderful friends (who are like my family).

I'm thankful to have a nephew, who is currently serving this country as a U.S. Marine, so that I can enjoy the freedoms of this great nation.

I'm thankful for my loyal, funny, and very smart blog readers and commenters, who come here to read the crap that I pull out of my arse. Sometimes I forget that you're out there and I say completely inappropriate stuff, but you keep coming back anyway. You realize that THIS makes you just as whacked as I am, right? Okay. Good.

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Finally? I'd like to leave you with this....

It's a sign that I saw yesterday at a little Portuguese market and it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days:

Translation: Live life to the fullest WHILE YOUR ALIVE. Because you're going to be dead for a long time.

Live in the moment, my friends!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2 comments:

MB said...

I'm definitely just as whacked as you are. Happy Thanksgiving!

Tina from Tillamook Oregon said...

Sally -
Thank you for letting that voice in your head "GO" on your blog...you say what most of us feel and would like to say!
Happy Thanksgiving, hope you & Hubs have a great holiday!
Love you long time...