Last night, Lou called to ask us if we would go with him to look at a new car that he wants to buy. Originally, I said, "No. We have to work late." But, then he bribed us with Mexican food and margaritas. So, we caved.
What can I say?
We're food whores.
So, after our yummy Mexican fiesta, we drove over to the Lincoln dealership to check out the new Lincoln MKX. Lou and my Hubby are IN LOVE with these vehicles. I swear. Both of them were all but licking the cars as we walked by them.
At one point, I said to Lou:
Me: Louie! This car is AWESOME! I definitely think it's the car for you. All I ask is that you buy one with backseat ass warmers.
Me: Yes. Actually, if you expect us to socialize with you, I DEMAND that you buy one with backseat ass warmers.
Lou: YOU DEMAND?
Me: Yes. Otherwise, we will only go out with you in the Summer. I hate the friggin cold.
Lou: YOU DEMAND?
Me: You heard me, Chump.
A little while later, Lou, Linda, me, and the car salesman, Michael---were all sitting in a blue MKX---reveling at all of the cool options it had (Hubby was off licking some car).
I was in the backseat, testing out the ass warmers to make sure that they met my warm buns standards when suddenly, Lou started asking Michael about all of the voice activation crap that the car had.
DUDES! Did you know that in these cars, you can turn on the radio, use the phone, and turn on the heat just by TELLING your car what you want it to do? It's SICK!
(HEY LINCOLN? I'M PLUGGING YOUR CAR! YOU SHOULD PAY ME!!!!)
Anywho, so there was Michael, seriously explaining all of the cars' features, when all of a sudden Lou says, "I have a question. Can I use the voice recognition technology to tell this car to EJECT the GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS IN THE BACK SEAT?" Can you believe that bastard?
Very nicely, Michael smiled and replied, "No, Sir. It can't do that." "Hmmm...too bad." Lou replied.
Then Lou marveled at the fact that he can start the MKX by merely pushing a button:
Lou: I love that! I looked at another car that was FIFTY GRAND and you had to TURN THE KEY IN THE IGNITION TO START IT!
Me: OH THE HORROR!
Lou: Shut up!
Me: Seriously, DUDE! HOW LAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NOT WANT TO TURN A FRIGGIN KEY?
Lou: Michael? Are you sure we can't eject her from the car with the push of a button?
Michael: No, Sir. Sorry.
Me: You want me out? You'll have to physically remove me. And I know THAT won't happen, Lazy Ass. Hehehe...
In conclusion, I'm pretty sure Lou's buying this car. AND? It has backseat ass warmers.
You know what that means, right? Yeah. I win.
The following is an actual picture of Lou at the car dealership. He's so EVIL, he glows!!!