Monday, December 6, 2010
Partners In Crime
Yesterday, Lou and I made a deal.
I know what you're thinking.
Making a deal with Lou is like making a deal with the Devil.
And usually? You'd be correct.
But this time, there's something in it for me. So, I'm going for it.
Here's the deal...
Lou and I are BIG TIME foodies. And more times than I care to admit, we are partners in crime (Um...like yesterday, when we were dipping Rice Krispy treats into chocolate fondue!).
Our collective behaviors are negatively impacting the SIZE OF MY ASS and the SIZE OF HIS BELLY.
And we need to do something about it. PRONTO.
To kick start our quest, Lou proposed that maybe WE, along with our spouses (Don't get any shady ideas, you sick bastards!) should go on a trip to Aruba in July.
NOW GET THIS, DUDES.
This impending trip?
Yeah, it will serve as my motivation to fit into a bikini.
Yeah. You heard me.
I SAID A BIKINI.
I KNOW! RIGHT? WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN SMOKING?!
Also, said trip, will also serve---GOD HELP US ALL---as Lou's motivation to fit into a Speedo (Hold on while I throw up a little in my mouth for a second...), without having the beach goers of Aruba threaten to harpoon his ass.
So, here's the deal.
On January 2, 2011, Lou and I are going to become cliches. We're going on a lifestyle change (I HATE the word "diet"!). We're going to begin eating better. We're going to exercise. AND? We're going to motivate each other.
BUT? We've made some provisions...just in case.
For instance, LET'S JUST SAY that during our weight loss quest, we are SUDDENLY captured by aliens and are forced to consume nothing but chocolate cake, ice cream, pasta, and red wine---for six months. And instead of losing weight? WE GAIN MORE.
We've decided that we'll STILL go to Aruba, anyway.
However, in lieu of bikinis and Speedos?
We'll be the TWO chunky-butts parasailing in our Snuggies, y'all.