Thursday, January 6, 2011

How Many Arm Muscles Do You Use When You Wipe Your Butt?

Warning: I am going to share TMI with you because that's how I roll. Learn from me, people.

Okay. I'd like to begin this post by telling you about some of the things that I had trouble doing this morning.

Check it:

1. Wiping myself after I peed.
2. Brushing my teeth.
3. Holding my hairdryer.
4. Backing my car up.
5. Carrying my pocketbook.

And before you ask? NO. I'm not sick.

But, I may be crazy.

In a nutshell, here's the deal. I've decided to put Operation Ass Shrinkage into full swing.

Not only am I carefully monitoring what I eat and trying to make healthier food choices, y'all. But THIS TIME? I'm also stepping up the exercise.

You are not even going to believe this, people. But, I---SQUEAMISH SALLY COSTA---lover of all things chocolate, have given it all up to join a TEN WEEK fitness challenge.

This challenge basically involves me meeting with a trainer three times a week for a series of personalized workouts that push me physically beyond any limits that I have ever known. Seriously.

Yesterday, was my first session---focusing on the upper body using weights (OUCH! MY FUGGIN ARMS HURT LIKE A MOFO!).

I assumed--- since I had never met my trainer before, that she would sort of take it easy on me...you know...ease me in.

I was sooooo flippin wrong.

Instead, she pushed me to keep moving, even when I thought I couldn't MOVE ANOTHER FUGGIN MUSCLE---by saying things like, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!" And, "There is no FUN in fitness!" And, "Focus! Burning is good!"

Now, before I go any further, I will admit that perhaps during this session, I may have BRIEFLY envisioned covering the trainer's mouth with duct tape.

But, honestly? That's a step up for me!

You all know HOW MUCH I LOVE MY TASER, right?

And I swear! I didn't even think, for one minute, about using it on her!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

Dudes! How impressive is that?

Anywho, I can't end this post without showing you some pictures of my trainer (she said I could). So, here she is....

This is Amy Jones:




She'll be the one kicking my ass for the next ten weeks.

Pray for me.

Oh, AND? Pray for her.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S GETTING INTO, EITHER.

COCONUT BRA OR BUST, PEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(If you live in Southeastern Massachusetts or Rhode Island and would like to get your ass kicked by Amy Jones, too, CLICK HERE for more information.)

2 comments:

Allan said...

OOOO baby, get me some of that ...

Sugar said...

I totally agree. wiping your butt is so overrated when you can barely lift the dead weight of stumps!
tee-hee