Monday, March 21, 2011

Skanks...They're Not Worth The Glance

Saturday night, Hubby and I were driving home together (he was driving), when I got the following text message from my friend, Linda:

Linda: Sally? Lou is being an *sshole! He has no class! Miss you.

I responded: You married him. Now, suck it up! Miss you, too.

She was not amused.

Last night, Hubs and I met Linda and Lou (Yes, THAT Lou) for dinner, and I got THE REAL SCOOP.

Apparently, on Saturday night---right before she sent me that text message---Linda and Lou were out having dinner together in a very nice, romantic restaurant. Linda was talking to Lou, when she noticed that his attention was focused on something BEHIND her.

She turned around to see what he was looking at and she saw FOUR HOOCHIE MAMAS, with their bazongas hanging out, walking into the restaurant.

For a slight second, Linda was a little perturbed. There she was, in the midst of a lovely, romantic dinner---with her husband, when he ALLEGEDLY ogled some skanks (He's making me say ALLEGEDLY because he denies these actions but I think he's FULL OF CRAP).

Anywho, in a brief instant of insecurity, Linda turned to Lou, commanding his full attention, and asked, "Louie? Do you think I'm beautiful?"

And Lou, in all of his BONEHEAD GLORY, responded **GET THIS, PEOPLE** He responded, "Yes. You are beautiful FOR YOUR AGE."

WHAT THE WHAT?

FOR YOUR AGE? Really?!!!

DUDES? Is it me? Or did that answer totally deserved a size ten shoe to the nads?

(FYI? He was absolutely SERIOUS and thought that THAT was a good answer!)

So last night, at dinner---that's all we talked about. We analyzed Lou's cluelessness, while he kept trying to defend himself (Give it up, Loser).

Finally at my breaking point, I was like, "That's it! We need an objective opinion on your lameness!"

So, I decided to involve our waiter.

I called him over and asked, "Dan? Are you married?"

He responded, "Yes."

Then I asked him, "Let's just say that one day, out of the blue, your wife asked you if you thought she was beautiful. What would you say to her?"

He quickly responded (Seriously. He didn't even hesitate for a second!), "I would say...Yes. You are beautiful...always and forever."

Then he continued, "I'm no fool."

Well, alrighty then.

For those of you keeping score?

That's:

Dan the Waiter: 1
Bonehead Lou: 0

8 comments:

Amanda said...

Oh Lou, Lou, Lou. Give it up. Never is telling a woman she's beautiful "for her age" a good idea.

Ever.

No. Stop. Right now.

It is NEVER okay.

Choreboy, although he requires constant reminding to compliment me on my new hair cut/ color/ hat/ hamster I've had surgically attached to my scalp, would NEVER mess that shit up.

Waiter for the win!

Anonymous said...

OMG... that's almost as bad as answering no honey, that dress doesn't make you ass look big, it makes you waist seem small... Men, they got NO clue.

Jo said...

Dan shuts him down!

Kimberley said...

Oh Lou! I thought we could have had something...your true colours are showing. It's over!

Amy said...

Oh gosh! That is about the worst comment ever! In your defense, Lou, you aren't the only clueless one out there. You are part of a huge club. So sorry....

tokenblogger said...

I hope Dan received a very high and well deserved tip!

Barbara J F said...

I do not comment, just scream and laugh all the time. But.... I need to address this. Man, I think a piece of LINT is smarter than Lou this time. My Word. What was he thinking?????

amanda said...

Dan the Waiter will have a long and satisfying marriage if he keeps throwing out answers like those! lol