Tuesday, June 21, 2011

You're Old. That Is All.

Howdy, Peeps!  I've missed you!

You're probably wondering WHERE THE HELL I've been, right?  Or, maybe I'm overestimating my importance in your life and you never really realized that I've been missing.  If you're part of the latter group, then you'd better hope that I never win the lottery.  Just sayin...

Anywho, HOLY CRAP!  Do I have stories for you! 

I almost don't even know where to begin.  However, I'm feeling like I need to start with a Lou story.  Here goes....

Okay.  So, Lou---El Primo Pain-O In My Ass-O---turned SIXTY on Friday. 

I KNOW...HE'S OLD, RIGHT?! 

Last week, his wife--Linda-- threw him an awesome surprise party where I got to "roast" him.  Actually, not only did I get to make fun of him, but I also got to be the emcee...you know...because I'm so shy and all. 

Shut up.

Anywho, here are some highlights...

Give me a microphone and a room filled with one hundred and eighty friggin people, and there's bound to be trouble...


 

Here's Big Lou, walking into his surprise party.  What a freakin ham...



In order for me to do my portion of the roast, I decided to invest in a visual.  I felt like a "prop" might help me illustrate my point that Lou is a crazy mofo.  So, I ordered this....



Do not adjust your monitor, people.  You are, in fact, seeing a six foot tall Cardboard Lou wearing a diaper.  If that doesn't make you blow chunks, I don't know what will...




Me and hubby with another Cardboard Lou.  This one was much more refined, wearing a suit.  Clearly, I was not responsible for this version.... 


Good God!  Here they are...all three of them together.  That's enough to make anyone run screaming from the room.
I call this photo:  The Sh*theads (Yes.  Those are adult diapers on their heads.)




The Old Goat...getting ready to blow out his candles....




My nephew, Brian, and his fiance, Steph...with Cardboard Louie....Aren't they so cute?




Lou's wife, Linda...telling the crowd how "lucky" she is to have him.  Blechhhhh...Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth (Just kidding, Linda!)....



Finally, I just want to say that in addition to being the emcee at the party, I was also a coordinator, a decorator, and part of the clean up crew...AND I demand compensation....

Not in the form of actual cash, but, in the form of psychological counseling.  

You see...throughout the night of the Lou's party, I saw WAY too many tipsy women (AND MEN) dry-humping Cardboard Diaper Louie on the dance floor.

I need help dealing with my recurring nightmares, y'all. 

4 comments:

Amanda said...

I figured something traumatically Lou-related must have happened. The telling did not disappoint!

Kimberley said...

I missed you! But not as much as I missed Lou.

Is there any way you could send me both of the cardboard Lous?

That way I could have one for formal events and one for informal. I will even pay the postage...

Hippo Nymph said...

My computer flat-lined. I think it was caused by the Lou pics. :)

Christine said...

happy birthday lou! I hope you have many many more years.