I know. You never really knew I was gone because I told you I was going on vacation, yet, was completely vague about when I was going because I'm not an idiot and I know that you should NEVER announce WHEN you are going on vacation on social media networks because while you're gone---enjoying large quantities of rum cake while sitting on a nice, sandy beach (OH.YES.I.DID)---some douche nugget will break into your house and steal your shit.
Anywho, we went.
And I? Well, let's just say that I came back five pounds denser. Damn fuggin rum cake.
You're probably wondering how my vacation was and if I killed Lou after spending SEVEN FRIGGIN DAYS WITH HIM (Twelve hours a day...but, who the fug was counting?). In a nutshell? I DID NOT.
But, because of him, I have to classify my trip as (1) FUN, (2) LOVELY, and (3) UGLY...all at the same time. Allow me to illustrate with photos.
Let's start with the LOVELY.
PC (Hubs), me,
Seven Mile Beach
|Our Backyard :)|
And now for the FUN!
|We visited the turtle farm.|
|And the iguanas.....|
|Had fun in the sun....|
|500 ft. high!|
|Linda & Lou....|
|The Royal Treatment|
|Dinner with friends....|
|Shopping! Yay! |
FYI...Did you know that George Clooney was the
spokesman for Omega watches? Me neither!
I guess he has to fill his time somehow,
now that he's a "free man."
Hey, George! Just say NO to whores!
|This is our friend, who we met in Cayman.|
He works at the hotel that we stayed at.
His name is Michael Douglas (for real)...and he is soooo freakin funny!
|PC, Me, Michael Douglas, Lou, and Linda|
And, FINALLY? Here it is, y'all. On to the UGLY...(my sincere apologies).
On the first full day of our vacation, Lou and Linda called us into their room. Apparently, Linda was not impressed with Lou's mad scientist eyebrows, so she was all, "Sally? Can you trim Louie's eyebrows?"
Um. Excuse me?! Do I look like an animal groomer to you? Hehehe...
|Taming the Beast|
Brace yourselves...It get's UGLIER...
On day THREE, PC and I went back to our room after a long day of sightseeing and shopping. When we walked in to throw our shopping bags on the bed, we realized that some sexual deviant had been in our room. He left THIS (the fuggin pervert)....
|Her name is Vivian.|
|Apparently her 42DDD bra doesn't fit.|
Mysteriously, a picture of the culprit appeared on PC's cell phone (which we had left in the room all day).....
Last BUTT (pun intended) not least, the grossest part of our trip occurred when one morning, there was a knock at our door. I asked, "Who is it?" And someone responded, "Room service!" I was all, "WTF? I didn't order anything...Hmmmm...."
When I opened the door, this freak of nature was standing there looking like this....
|Ironic that he's carrying a container of nuts, no?|
Thank Jesus he was wearing a white towel in the "nugget" area. The back, however? Yeah. It's EXACTLY what you thought....
|Moon over Grand Cayman.|
It's gonna take electric shock therapy to remove this image from my brain, y'all.