Thursday, August 11, 2011

For Every Action, There Is An Equal And Opposite Weird Fuggin Answer

Last night, Hubs and I stopped at a liquor store on our way home, to buy a lottery ticket, BECAUSE last night's Powerball jackpot was a little over $220,000,000.  That's TWO HUNDRED TWENTY MILLION MOTHER FRACKING CLAMS.  Yee ha!

This morning, as Hubs was sleepily helping me make our bed, I said to him:

MeI don't even know why we're making the damn bed.

HubsHuh?

MeWe probably won the lottery, so there's no reason why we should even be up, yet.

HubsUh-huh.

MeNo, seriously. WHAT would you do if you found out RIGHT NOW that we REALLY AND TRULY won two hundred twenty million dollars last night?  Really...WHAT WOULD YOU DO RIGHT NOW?

HubsI would shit on the floor.

MeWHAT?

HubsI don't have to go to the bathroom or anything, but I'd probably be so nervous that I would just shit right here, on the floor.

MeYou just won ALL OF THAT MONEY and the first thing you would do is SHIT on the floor?

HubsThat's right.

MeDude.  Millionaires don't go around crapping their pants.

HubsI would take my pants off, first.

MeWell, that makes me feel soooooo much better.  You'd take your pants off BEFORE taking a mad dump on the carpet .

HubsI'm a millionaire.  I'll buy new carpet.

MeHow about you just run to THE CANIt's only a few feet away.

HubsI'm just being honest.

Me:  *shaking my head*  You're a freak.

HubsYou love me.

MeWhatever....


UPDATE: 

*We didn't win.
*He didn't drop a deuce on the carpet. 
*He is weird.






4 comments:

Me So Hongry said...

I was just telling my mom I forgot to buy my lottery ticket last night! I'm playing tomorrow. I was hoping to win the "lottery" by finding me a husband, but that's not really working out!

The first thing I'd do WHEN I win...submit my letter of recognition! I quit bitches!!! I'd jump on top of the counter in the front office and do "the dougie" As I exit the office I'm going to say, "Toodaloo MFs!" like that dude in The Hangover!!!

Sally said...

I'm with you, sister!

Amanda said...

I think if we won the lottery I'd scream and cry at the same time. Then freak out (because, really, the screaming and crying just like me with PMS). Then I do believe I'd be turning in my notice at work.

After that, I think I'd be looking at grad school or another Bachelor's. I'm good at going to school. Too bad I can't get paid for it :P

MB said...

Damn, I thought Lou was the craziest man in your life but now I'm beginning to wonder.

I usually wait a few days to check my numbers just so I can daydream about the things I would do if I hit the big one. I did have a winning Powerball ticket but unfortunately the payout was only a big $7. I almost have enough to get a drink at *$'s. WooHoo!