Monday, October 31, 2011

Booyah, Yuh Glutton.

Happy Halloween!!!!!!

Last night, Hubby requested that we go to one of his favorite Italian restaurants for dinner. 

Even though I've been trying to curb the whole eating out thing lately (because I want to lose weight / avoid food temptations /stop my ass cheeks from dragging on the ground), I agreed to go.  I figured it would be a good test for me because I seriously need to learn how to make better food choices when I'm in social situations.

Before we left, I purposefully explained to the Husband that even though we were going out to enjoy a nice dinner, I was not going to sabotage my weight loss efforts and all of the damn exercise that I sweat my funbags off doing this week.  I was not going to indulge in any appetizers, dessert, or alcoholic beverages and I would appreciate it if he would support me in my efforts.

"That's fine.  Whatever you problem at all." he said.

Cool.  This will be a lovely way to end our weekend, I thought. 

So, we got to the restaurant and sat at a lovely corner table for two.  Immediately, the waitress came over and we ordered
drinks--a glass of red wine for Hubs and some carbonated water with lime for me.  THEN, the waitress brought over a loaf of bread (A WHOLE FUGGIN LOAF) with some dipping oil, which I pushed away and the Husband proceeded to devour. 

Whatever, dude.  I can handle this.

In conjunction with the olive oil / bread blotter combo, the Husband also ate a Caesar salad.  Then, he had two pan seared/breaded/lubed up in God knows what chicken breasts, a pile of pasta drenched in pesto sauce, another glass of red wine, followed by a GLASS OF MILK, and a white chocolate-hazelnut tartufo (white chocolate gelato, rolled in nuts, covered in whipped cream, dusted with cocoa powder).

Muthafugga.  I.Can.Handle.This.

While I watched him eat, I drank water, more water, and even more water.  Then, I ate some spinach pasta (about a cup and a half) with four shrimp in a spicy tomato sauce.  No cheese.  No bread.  No wine.  No gelato.  No bullshit.

I think I handled myself pretty well and I was proud of the fact that I didn't misstep and sabotage myself. 

However, truth be told?

I kinda wanted to give my husband rabbit punches to the back of the head because he was lounging and savoring and taking FOREVER and a freakin day to eat all of that crap. 

When we FINALLY got home, Hubs was tired (No shit!  He was in a carb coma!)  He took a shower and went to bed.

I stayed up and read for awhile.  Then, I went to bed at 10:30...and I slept like a baby.

This morning, I awakened to the Husband...yelling profanities from the bathroom.

Hubs:  What the f*&%?!  Holy f%$#^&* shit!

Me:  What's the matter?  

Hubs:  I'll tell you what's the matter!  I'm THREE pounds heavier today than I was yesterday!

Me:  (hiding under the blankets)  Hehehehehehe....Um..And you're surprised, WHY?

Hubs:  Sal?  Seriously?  Three pounds in ONE day?!  That's horrible!  AND I slept like TOTAL SHIT last night.  I was up at TWO O'CLOCK in the morning with the worst heartburn ever!

Me:  (hiding under the blankets)  Hehehehehehe....Wow!  *snicker, snicker* That's terrible!  I slept reaaaaallyyyy great!  Like a baby!  I feel refreshed!  Ready to take on the world!

Hubs:  *blank stare*  You're going to write about this on your blog, aren't you?

Me:  Nope.


The Path Traveled said...

I loved todays blog post! I cant help but laugh with you. I meal without control can make you want to slap the scales the next morning. I loved the humor in the meal and how you kept your self control.

Miz said...



Kyle Gershman said...

Cause and effect, much?

I keep hitting my noggin with a ball-peen hammer and now I have this horrible headache...what gives?

Three Hundred Sixty Five said...

OH YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!! I don't know if I could have held back (especially the bread, might as well glue it to the ass, cause it'll never end up on the boobs). Thanks for ending my day with a great laugh!!