Tuesday, October 25, 2011

It Is What It Is

In an effort to boost my weight loss efforts, I've been reading a lot about incorporating positive affirmations into my daily life.  Apparently, if you believe in the Law of Attraction, projecting positive thoughts into the universe AND believing them, will get you what you want.

To take this theory a step further, I've decided to TRY to rid myself of limiting beliefs and replace them with positive ones. 

Dudes?  This shit is hard.  But, I think I've got it down.  Let me give you an example....

This morning, as I was attempting to run at the town track, I was thinking, "Man, this is so hard.  This sucks dog crap through a straw.  I hate this.  I'm sweating like a hog." 

And then, I caught myself being all negative. 

So, I tried to turn those limiting thoughts into positive ones.  And as I ran, and sweat, and huffed and puffed like Fatty McGee---I changed my thought process and kept repeating things like, "This is AMAZING!  This is FUN!  My butt cheeks are going to look so awesome when they're not dragging on the floor!"

Are you buying it?  Nah.  Me neither.  What a load of poo. 

I think I'll just conclude that even though I will never love to exercise (NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!), I'll have to muddle through and  just do it (You Nike people are so friggin brilliant).

I will, however, go out of my way to do things that will make my home environment more conducive to healthy living and weight loss. 

Like what, you ask? 

Well, I've filled my refrigerator with good foods like fruits, vegetables, and healthy snacks....

AND I got rid of any trigger foods (also known as "red light" foods) that I had in the house, like this stash of rum cake:


(Do us both a favor and DON'T ask me where it went.  Denial is more than just a river in Egypt, y'all.)

Second, I've decided that I am one of those people who NEEDS to weigh myself at home at least once a week.  It kind of helps me gauge where I'm at and keep me in control.  To make this process more hackable, I've transformed my ugly ass, menacing, bathroom scale from this:

To this:


Now, when I weigh in?  My formerly menacing hospital scale greets me with a happy, friendly smile!  AND when it gives me what I consider to be the WRONG answer, I can PUNCH IT IN THE FACE. 

Yeah.  I'd say I've got this positive thinking shit down pat.

6 comments:

LAF said...

Hilarious!

Amanda said...

I just wanted to offer a home for one of the poor, misbegotten rum cakes that has been unceremoniously kicked out of its haven... ;)

(seriously, I just got back from vacation, the scale hates me, and I feel your pain!)

Kyle Gershman said...

Since you make us all laugh and feel so good, it all counts...you can be as snarky as you like, because the positive energy is there regardless.

BTW...how the fug did you amass that much rum cake in the first place?!?

Sally said...

Kyle,

I went on vacation to the Caribbean. Once there, I drank several frozen alcoholic beverages, which contributed to my "false sense" of being skinnier than I really am. THAT led to my discovery of rum cake, which of course, I ate with reckless abandon AND shipped home by the craploads.

In all honesty, HALF of that stash was my friend, Lou's. The rest?

Yeah, well. Let's just say that my ass cheeks hate me right about now :P

Sally said...

Amanda,

The rum cakes have left the building....and attached themselves to my butt. Bleh.

Welcome home! The "remorse diet" beings NOW, RIGHT?!

Debby said...

Holy shit I just laughed so hard I think I peed a little. Now, that could be the menopause...but I don't think so.

Positive attitude...let me use that M word again. Menopause. Any day I don't stab anyone is a good day. My partner at work is 70 and he is scared shitless of me. Smart man.

I love that you got drunked up and shipped home all that rum cake. I think I just did a Jamaican!

Your scale looks like one of the Village people!

You made me smile my friend. Not an easy task these days!