Thursday, January 12, 2012

Good Thing I Prefer Ketchup


I am a good friend.  SCRATCH THAT.  I am a GREAT friend.

And I know this because of the way people speak to me. 

Yeah.  Apparently, I am someone who others feel extremely comfortable talking to about absolutely friggin anything. 

Like yesterday, when Lou  called to discuss a business related matter with me, and the conversation turned into this shitshow (Pun intended...you'll see what I mean in a second)........

Me:  Hello Louie!

Lou:  Hello!

Me:  How's it going?

Lou:  Eh. Alright, I guess.

Me:  You don't sound like yourself.  Are you feeling okay?

Lou:  I think I have a stomach bug or something.

Me:  Oh, yeah?  That's too bad.

Lou:  Yeah.  I think so....BECAUSE MY STOOLS LOOK LIKE MUSTARD.

MeOh, Sweet Lord.  Once again, LEW-ISSSS, you have crossed a very fine line. 

Lou:  You asked.

Me:  EXCUSE ME, but I ASKED if you were okay!  The correct answer should have been, "I think I have a stomach virus or something."  THE END.  I do not need to know that you are squirting WHAT LOOKS LIKE hot dog condiments out your ass. 

********************

Like I was saying?  I'm a great friend....AND I'm a pretty good shoulder to cry on.....unless you want to talk to me about the texture and color of your bodily secretions. 

Then?  I kinda just want to punch you in the head.  Ugh.







1 comment:

Amanda said...

It had to be Lou. And thank god I was done with lunch... LOL!