Thursday, January 12, 2012
Good Thing I Prefer Ketchup
I am a good friend. SCRATCH THAT. I am a GREAT friend.
And I know this because of the way people speak to me.
Yeah. Apparently, I am someone who others feel extremely comfortable talking to about absolutely friggin anything.
Like yesterday, when Lou called to discuss a business related matter with me, and the conversation turned into this shitshow (Pun intended...you'll see what I mean in a second)........
Me: Hello Louie!
Me: How's it going?
Lou: Eh. Alright, I guess.
Me: You don't sound like yourself. Are you feeling okay?
Lou: I think I have a stomach bug or something.
Me: Oh, yeah? That's too bad.
Lou: Yeah. I think so....BECAUSE MY STOOLS LOOK LIKE MUSTARD.
Me: Oh, Sweet Lord. Once again, LEW-ISSSS, you have crossed a very fine line.
Lou: You asked.
Me: EXCUSE ME, but I ASKED if you were okay! The correct answer should have been, "I think I have a stomach virus or something." THE END. I do not need to know that you are squirting WHAT LOOKS LIKE hot dog condiments out your ass.
Like I was saying? I'm a great friend....AND I'm a pretty good shoulder to cry on.....unless you want to talk to me about the texture and color of your bodily secretions.
Then? I kinda just want to punch you in the head. Ugh.