Thursday, April 12, 2012

Wielding A Knife

S'up?

I just stopped in to write a few quick sentences about accountability.

Mainly?  I haven't been to Weight Watchers in a few weeks because (A) I was too busy to attend my regular meeting, (B) I hate change, so I didn't feel like going to any other meetings, (C) I've been eating like the whole world is coming to a gah-damn end, (D) Mmmmmm...Easter candy, and (E) I am a sloth.

So, today?

I went back to check on the status of my arse size

And guess what? 

I gained two pounds.  Muthafugga.

Like I didn't know THAT was going to happen...

Anyway, I have no excuses.

Actually?  I've only got ONE thing to say....


The quest for a smaller ass continues...

Monday, April 9, 2012

Because He Can

My nephew, Jon (who's ten), spends virtually everyday that he has off from school with me and PC at work.  Because I have no idea how the public school schedule runs, I never know he's coming until suddenly, he comes running in the door at about 9:00 am yelling, "WHOO HOO!  GUESS WHO'S HERE FOR THE DAY?!!!!" 

"Oh, joy." I respond sarcastically and he laughs because he thinks my fake annoyance is just so funny.

On Good Friday, we had a super tight schedule at work, filled with deadlines.  So, when Jon came strolling in, I immediately told him that he was going out with me to do errands because Uncle Paul was really busy and he needed to focus on a job. 

While we driving to the bank, I noticed that Jon was fiddling around with a band aid on his leg.  I asked...

Me:  What happened to your leg?  Did that bratty dog, Maxie, bite you?  (FYI:  Maxie, who is an ornery little a-hole, is Jon's Grandma's dog.  He bites EVERYBODY who looks at him the wrong way.)

Jon:  No.  And anyway, I LOVE MAXIE!

Me:  You love him?  Even though he's so mean?

Jon:  Yeah.  He's funny.  Sometimes, he breaks into Nana's trash and drags it all around the house!

Me:  He bites everybody AND makes a mess?  He's lucky he's not my dog!

Jon:  Why?  What would you do?

Me:  I'd punish him.  Put him in timeout. Lock him in his crate....

Jon:  Do you know what today is?

Me:  Yes.

Jon:  Did you know that Jesus DIED on this day?

Me:  I've heard.

Jon:  THEN WHY ARE YOU BEHAVING LIKE THE ROMANS?!!!!

Me:  WHAT?

Jon:  You're being kind of mean.

Me:  If YOU bit people AND trashed your house, wouldn't you get punished?

Jon:  *pondering*  Um.  I guess....

***FAST FORWARD TWO MINUTES***

Jon:  Auntie?

Me:  What?

Jon:  I can lick my own armpit.  See?! (YEAH, HE DID)

Me:  That's just disgusting.

Jon:  I know!  Hehehehehe...

LESSON OF THE DAYPUNISHMENT IS TABOO.  LICKING ONE'S SWEAT GLANDS, ISN'T.