Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Like Hair On Soap

I've got some good news AND some bad news.

Today, I'm announcing the winners of my give-a-way!  Whoo hoo!

But not before making you sit through a most uncomfortable blog update. 

Before I begin, put your Cheerios down.  I'd rather not get blamed for you barfing your milk all over your keyboard. 

So, a few weeks ago, someone who I am friends with on Facebook, tagged me in the following picture and asked, "Hey, Sally?  Is this your friend, Lou?"  Mind you, this woman has NEVER, ever met Lou in person.  She has only read about him on this blog.

Hmm....Is it or isn't it?  You be the judge.
After analyzing the above picture for an entire two seconds, I responded, "Uh....I think we both know it's entirely possible." After all, we all know that he loves to flaunt his bits in public...

"The Real Lou"
He wasn't wearing undergarments.
 I'm still in therapy.
Plus?  He WAS in California recently.  I wouldn't put it past him to wander all about the West Coast flaunting his San Francisco Treats.  I just thank Jesus that if it was him, I wasn't there to see that shit in person (FYI...He says it's not him).

This reminds me.....To all of you sickos who have asked about him?  Lou is just fine.  And he's still a total pain in my ass. 

As a matter of fact, you are not going to believe what he did, y'all.  This is BIG TIME.

Lou used to tell me (all the time) that he couldn't understand why I lived in Rhode Island.  Then he'd make his case against the Ocean State by pointing out that the politics are corrupt,  the taxes are high, and the people there are really eccentric (Read:  Nuts).

But THEN?  What did he do?

Out of the clear blue friggin sky, he sold his house in Massachusetts AND bought a condo in Rhode Island. 


Not only did he move to Rhode Island, which incidentally is made up of 39 cities and towns, y'all.  But, he moved to MY town.  He now lives ten effin minutes from my front door.  Clearly, karma hates me.


During his lengthy moving process, Lou decided that he wanted a fresh start in his new home.  So, he bought all new furniture for his schmancy condo, and gave away most of the fine furnishings that were in his old house (to family and friends).  He gave away bedroom sets, dining room furniture, deck furniture, appliances, decorative items, living room furniture, paintings, dishes, clothing, and a whole lot of other really neat stuff

Then, one day he came to my work and was all, "Linda and I are giving away a bazillion dollars worth of our shit and we'd like you to have this."

Just what I always wanted....a nasty-ass, torso-less, potato-head doll.  

Contain your envy, people.

Anywho, on to the good news!

The winners of the personalized *Not for Stabbing Knives (chosen by a random number generator) are...

*Commenter # 4---Laura Runs A Latte
*Commenter #6---The Path Traveled
*Commenter #14---AZ Gypsie

Congratulations, Peeps!  Please email me with your contact information to claim your prizes!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I Swear. Therefore, I am.

It's 3:00pm on Tuesday, January 1, 2013 and I've already dropped several F-Bombs.  GO ME in two-oh-one-three!

AND THAT'S why I never make New Year's resolutions, y'all.  While everybody around me is all, "The new year is upon me and I have resolved to be a better person.  I will embrace positivity.  I will be nicer.  I will focus on changing my behavior.  I will stop eating chocolate (KILL ME).  I will embrace others and blah, blah, freakin blah....,"  I'm just shaking my head thinking, Good Lord, people.  That's a lot of fuggin pressure!  I mean, honestly.....

Sometimes, I swear.

Sometimes, I'm sarcastic.

Sometimes, I want to punch people in the neck.

Sometimes, I EAT COOKIES.

Sometimes, when the phone rings, I look at the caller ID and pretend I'm not home.

Sometimes, I beat myself up over my appearance and lack of motivation.

Sometimes, I feel guilty.

Sometimes, I'd rather be with my friends than with some of my family.

Sometimes, I question every choice I've ever made.

Sometimes, I want to run away.

On the flip side?

I love to laugh....A LOT.

I have a twisted sense of humor and friends who "get" me. I love them!

I'm empathetic and I "ugly cry" often.

Sometimes, I eat healthy!  AND EXERCISE!

I'm a good friend.

I am an AWESOME wife to an amazing husband!  Right, PC?!

Ditto on being an AWESOME daughter, sister, aunt, etc...

Many times, I am strong.

Most times, I accept myself.

Everyday, I am grateful.

But, you know what else?

I am still the same person today that I was yesterday and will be tomorrow.  Sorry for your disappointment, folks (Not, really).  But, there will be no New Year's revelations on this channel (You have Oprah for that).

Oh, well....

On a lighter note, today is the 4th anniversary of my blog. Holy crap!  I can not believe how time flies sometimes...especially since reaching my 40's (FYI...Middle age sucks donkey balls).

To celebrate my Blogiversary (and the New Year, I suppose), I'm going to give away something that I customized myself and gave to my friend Julia for Christmas.  Check it:

Who doesn't want a sharp object with their name on it, y'all?  To win one of THREE of these sharp-ass cooking/chopping (*not for stabbing) knives (color may vary), just leave me a comment on this blog telling me what one of your New Year's resolutions is.  Or, if you're like me and you have none, tell me so.  Also, you could use the comment forum to tell me that you love me and wish I was your BFF.  That works, too.  I'm flexible.  Please note that three winners will be chosen at random (using a counter) one week from today, on January 8th.

Happy Anniversary to Mais Fica!  Here's to many, many more years of me corrupting you.

Happy New Year, Bitches!