Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Margaritas and Vajayjays

We all have friends that we don't see as often as we'd like to.  Yet, when we finally get together with those friends, it kinda feels like time has stood still...and you seem to pick up right where you last left off.  My friend, Debbie, and I have that kind of a relationship.  We've been friends since we were four years old and have remained in each other's lives throughout the years---even when things seemed way too busy or totally off kilter for one, or both of us.

Since we haven't seen each other in a few months, we were finally able to get together on Monday night for a "girls only" Mexican dinner and to celebrate our belated Christmas. 

Our conversation inadvertently turned to this....

Me:  Ugh.  I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow.

Deb:  Yuck.

Me:  I know.  I hate it.

Deb:  Me, too.

Me:  Last year, the stupid doctor tried to peddle some birth control bullshit called Mirena. You ever heard of it?

Deb:  Hmmm...No.

Me:  He was all, "It's so easy to use!  I can insert it (YOU KNOW WHERE) right here in the office and all you have to do is keep monitoring the string."

Deb:  The string?

Me:  Yeah, some bullshit about a string hanging out of my hoo-ha and how I'd have to keep checking on it to make sure that it was still there or whatever.  I'm sure it was probably invented by a man who wouldn't dream about walking around with a rope hanging out of his wiener. Damn it.

Deb:  A STRING?  What the f*ck do we look like? Piñatas?!

Me:  I KNOW, RIGHT?!  I was all, "Look dude, I'm not walking around with a string hanging out of anywhere, let alone monitoring it for changes in length or location or whathaveyou.  I'm not a gahdamn weedwacker."


Me:  Then I told him about how last year, Paul asked me to help him cut down the weeds in the driveway and the stupid thingy wasn't working right, so I was all, "WHAT THE HELL?  THIS WEEDWACKER ISN'T WORKING!"  And Paul was all, "Did you check the string?"  F*CK THAT.

Deb:  That's just GROSS.

Me:  Exactly.

Girlfriends are awesome.


Michi D said...

OMG..I just pee'd my pants (Ithink??) hahaha my new Doc JUST tried to get me to do the "Mirena" thing as well "it's so easy" blah, blah, blah,uumm NO THANKS! I take my daily "don't make me choke you out pill" anyday over that STRING THINGY!! thanks for the laughs Sally, you the best!

Anonymous said...

I just want to say you are a brave woman for eating Mexican food the day before your gyno exam. LOL :)

Anonymous said...

It has been far too long since I have read your blog...and I am sorry for that...for myself...because that was funny as all get out! Thank you for sharing! I needed a laugh!