Monday, May 6, 2013

Kicking Ass & Taking Names: Portuguese Old Lady Style

Last Thursday was Sophia Petrillo's 82nd birthday (or as my husband calls her, The Mama).  In our family, Sophia is kind of like the Godfather, except she doesn't own any guns, which is a good thing because some lady--who keeps letting her dog shit on the sidewalk if front of her house--would have gotten shot in the ass by now.

In the last few months, Sophia has had some health issues (diagnosed with Epilepsy) and has been extremely verbal about how much aging sucks.  She's not taking it lightly and she's fighting it tooth and nail, y'all.  The following is a conversation that took place in her hospital room during a recent stay.  Several of my siblings were present....

Hospital Check-In LadyHello Sophia!  How are you?


Hospital Check-In LadyYou 're not old!  You look so beautiful for your age!


Hospital Check-In LadySophia, I need to ask you some questions.  Is that OK?


Hospital Check-In LadyI understand that your primary language is Portuguese. Would you like me to get you a translator?

SophiaNo.  My chi-dren gonna help me.

Hospital Check-In LadyOh. OK.  Let's see...How old are you?


Hospital Check-In LadyWow!  Eighty-one!  Good for you! You look amazing!


Hospital Check-In LadyWhere do you live?

Sophia:  *accurately gives address*

Hospital Check-In LadyDo you live alone?

SophiaYes, but my son live in apartamente upstayas from me.

Hospital Check-In LadyAre you abused at home?

Sophia:  *looks around the room, puzzled*

Hospital Check-In LadySophia, ARE YOU AFRAID AT HOME?  Does anybody abuse you or hit you at home?

Sophia:  *looking at my brother*  HUH?

My Brother:  *speaking Portuguese*  Ma, the lady wants to know if you are afraid of us.  Do we abuse you or hit you?

Sophia:  *a look of disbelief across her face*  MY CHIDREN NO HIT ME.  I KILL DEM FIRST.

My SisterShe's not kidding.

Hospital Check-In LadyWell alrighty, then.


Christine said...

I love your mother.

Trina said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Haaaaaaa! My kids and I had a similiar conversation. They were talking about a friend of theirs that I have actually seen go crazy on her mom. I told my kids, " I wish you would yell at me like that." My sons says, "I'm not tying to die."

Trina said...

My kids and I had a similiar conversation this weekend. My kids and I were talking about one of their friends that I have actually seen go crazy on her mom. I turned to them and said, " I wish y'all would yell at me like that." My son says, "I'm not trying to die." Haaa Haa!