When I found out that against all odds, I was unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 44---with NO medical intervention whatsoever, I was in complete and utter shock.
In case you're wondering, a reproductive endocrinologist confirmed that the odds of this happening to ME was LESS than one percent. Did you get that? I said NOT.EVEN.ONE.PERCENT.....Now, hold the fort while I run out and buy a lottery ticket. Yo.
After I left the doctor's office, I drove to work to share the news with my husband. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell him...how I was going to get the words out...because all I could do was sob uncontrollably. I was overcome with anxiety and fear. The conversation I'd just had with that jackass doctor kept playing in my head and I was worried sick about what was to come.
Would I be able to carry this baby to term? If I did, would my baby be healthy? Would my cardiac health worsen during pregnancy? Would I die during childbirth and never get to see my "miracle" baby? Was I just too old? How would my husband react?
I found out the answer to the last question soon enough.
When I got to work, I calmly walked into my office, hung up my coat, met my husband's glance through a window in the production area, and then? I.TOTALLY.LOST.MY.SHIT.
I ran into the bathroom, sobbing and heaving, like a complete maniac.
He followed me.
I can't remember exactly what happened next because I was basically incoherent, even to myself. But, finally, through my heaving and hyperventilating, I said...
Me: Oh. My. God. You are not going to believe this! I'm...I'm...I...I...Um...I...The doctor said...I'm...Oh my God....
Hubby: What? You're what? Are you sick? Are you okay? Is something wrong?
Me: *heaving* I'm pregnant!
Hubby: *BLANK STARE*
Me: Did you hear me? I said I'm PREGNANT.
Hubby: *hugging and squeezing buckets of snot out of me* Okay! Calm down! It's okay! This is great! GREAT! Just think! We'll get to go to baseball games! Or tea parties! THIS IS GREAT!
Me: Baseball games or tea parties? WTF is wrong with you? What kind of a reaction is that?
Hubby: THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!! IT'S AWESOME! Don't you see? NOW we'll have someone to take our driver's licenses away when we start to drive like ASSHOLES!
Me: *still sobbing* But, you already drive like an asshole...
Hubby: Ha! Don't worry. Everything will be fine. We're in this together. We can handle anything that comes our way. It's going to be fine. Believe me. This is going to be GREAT!
Me: *still sobbing* We'll be THE OLDEST parents on the playground! WE'RE OLDDDDDD!!!!! *heave, heave, heave*
Hubby: We're not old! We're hip....and cool! Please don't worry. We'll always have each other! AND, after the baby is born, if you want---WE'LL GET BOTOX! Okay? Please calm down, Sal. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me.
Me: *heave, heave, heave* Okay....
And that, in a nutshell, was how our most amazing journey began....