Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Reaction

When I found out that against all odds, I was unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 44---with NO medical intervention whatsoever, I was in complete and utter shock.

In case you're wondering, a reproductive endocrinologist confirmed that the odds of this happening to ME was LESS than one percent.  Did you get that? I said NOT.EVEN.ONE.PERCENT.....Now, hold the fort while I run out and buy a lottery ticket. Yo.

After I left the doctor's office, I drove to work to share the news with my husband. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell him...how I was going to get the words out...because all I could do was sob uncontrollably. I was overcome with anxiety and fear.  The conversation I'd just had with that jackass doctor kept playing in my head and I was worried sick about what was to come.

Would I be able to carry this baby to term? If I did, would my baby be healthy? Would my cardiac health worsen during pregnancy? Would I die during childbirth and never get to see my "miracle" baby? Was I just too old? How would my husband react?

I found out the answer to the last question soon enough.

When I got to work, I calmly walked into my office, hung up my coat, met my husband's glance through a window in the production area, and then? I.TOTALLY.LOST.MY.SHIT.

I ran into the bathroom, sobbing and heaving, like a complete maniac.

He followed me.

I can't remember exactly what happened next because I was basically incoherent, even to myself. But, finally, through my heaving and hyperventilating, I said...

Me:  Oh. My. God. You are not going to believe this! I'm...I'm...I...I...Um...I...The doctor said...I'm...Oh my God....

Hubby:  What? You're what? Are you sick? Are you okay? Is something wrong?

Me:  *heaving* I'm pregnant! 

Hubby: *BLANK STARE*

Me:  Did you hear me? I said I'm PREGNANT.

Hubby:  *hugging and squeezing buckets of snot out of me*  Okay! Calm down! It's okay! This is great! GREAT! Just think! We'll get to go to baseball games! Or tea parties! THIS IS GREAT!

Me:  Baseball games or tea parties? WTF is wrong with you? What kind of a reaction is that?

Hubby:  THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!! IT'S AWESOME!  Don't you see? NOW we'll have someone to take our driver's licenses away when we start to drive like ASSHOLES!  

Me:  *still sobbing* But, you already drive like an asshole...

Hubby:  Ha! Don't worry. Everything will be fine. We're in this together. We can handle anything that comes our way. It's going to be fine. Believe me. This is going to be GREAT!

Me:  *still sobbing* We'll be THE OLDEST parents on the playground! WE'RE OLDDDDDD!!!!!  *heave, heave, heave*

Hubby:  We're not old!  We're hip....and cool!  Please don't worry. We'll always have each other!  AND, after the baby is born, if you want---WE'LL GET BOTOX!  Okay? Please calm down, Sal. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me.

Me:  *heave, heave, heave* Okay....


And that, in a nutshell, was how our most amazing journey began....

STAY TUNED.




7 comments:

It's.a.crazy.world said...

Lol....I think I peed a little laughing at your description. You can always trust a man to be excited because they aren't going to transform into a cow....or have to squeeze it out of that impossible small place....although they will ogle the enormous boobs. Can't wait to see your next post. :-)

Sadaf Trimarchi said...

Best reaction ever! So amazing! BTW, had my surprise mid life baby in September (42) and am still looking at him every day with a "how the hell did you get here?" Look on my face. I was in complete denial for two weeks, convinced that my morning sickness and lack of period were perimenopause. Guess not.

ARJules said...

So you're saying that I'm not a lost cause at 41!!! That's so amazing... and I know you are happy even with all the panicky panic. :)

But your hubby's reaction was PERFECT.

Congratulations!!!!

Kimberley said...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Catherine55 said...

Oh!! Best possible reaction! I love that!

Jennie said...

I love this story!!!!! Congrats x1000! You guys are gonna be the best parents ever!

Carol said...

I am so GLAD you are back to blogging! I have checked your site off and on and hoped one day you would start back. You have made my day!! I can't wait to get your spin on motherhood and here some more Lou stories!!